William Shakespeare
on giving "Romeo & Juliet" a happy ending per the Queen's request:
"A fortnight after the death of Romeo and Juliet, the kingdom is overcome with sadness. Their bodies, frail, lay side by side when a mysterious shrouded figure sprinkles magic upon their lifeless souls. Their bodies dance, their eyes open wide, and the Capulet and Montague have returned, both alive! Yet now, they hunger for human flesh and traipse through the countryside like confused, lumbering fools! They are quick to bring destruction upon both their houses, but in a funny way. Comedy, dear Queen, ensues!"
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Moses
on moblogging the parting of the Red Sea:
"Without warning, God caused the waters to part for the people of Israel. I took a few pictures with my holy portable communication device, which includes a holy eye that can collect images which can be viewed here. The quality is not the best, but if you just feel one-half of the wonder that I felt - you will understand the feeling that swept the crowd. There's a close up shot of me here waving at the Egyptians as they drowned in the rapidly filling sea. (You may not be able to fully see this in the pictures, that's why I must mention that once we were all safely across, the waters began to fill back in. It was a glorious moment.)"
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Alexander the Great
on how great his blog is:
"I have seen other blogs and I must be honest in telling you all that this blog would crush all other blogs if they were given weapons and set against each other in a blog-like coliseum of sorts. In fact, if this blog was unarmed and was put face to face in a battle with other blogs that were all given some kind of heavy weapon, this blog would still destroy all other blogs. That's a pretty great blog (one that can destroy other armed blogs with its bare hands) if you ask me which you probably are asking at this very moment, which is why I've answered. Because had I not answered, well, this blog would not be as great as we all know it is."
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Jesus
on his latest project via his Carpentry Weblog:
"With my water or wine rack you can store both satisfying thirst quenchers in one place and never find yourself deficient of either. For what one would do if they only had water but wanted wine? Nothing! You'd be stuck without a solution! This is just why this project is so useful.
Any thoughts on this project would be fully appreciated, as it's just a little something I've started to work on, and am currently not sure how many people will find such an item useful, although I found myself wishing the other day that I could have access to both water and wine at the same time without having to go to the cupboard, retrieve wine then realize after I sat back down on my wooden bench for two that I wanted water and having to get up again to retrieve that." |
Marilyn Monroe
on her frustrations with her secret boyfriend, J:
"Why do guys have to always be so all about themselves? Why do they have to put their work above the women they love? It's always the same thing. Mostly, with J, he's just so obsessed with his work that I can hardly ever steal away time with him. Sometimes, it feels like he's trying so hard to control the world around him that he never has time for me. Sneaking around, late night calls I don't know, but I don't always feel like I'm his primary focus. If you can't meet me at a nice restaurant for a nice dinner out with the rest of the town...If you have to meet me at a hotel at 1 am in the morning, well, there's something definitely wrong with our relationship." |
Marie Antoinette
on the latest gossip happening in the kingdom:
"Madame Campan, this week, joins the Queen's staff as one of her ladies-in-waiting. Artois visits the Paris Opera in disguise! Therese de Lamballe is being considered for the Superintendent of the Queen's Household! Gambling at Versailles was a certain Queen who was said to have walked away with a huge fortune (but we won't say just who it was for fear of angering the peasants!) Emperor Joseph II is seen in a serious discussion with none other than Louis XVI - what's that all about!?"
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Edgar Allen Poe
on the rapping and tapping at his door:
"Before long it became clear to me that a flapping creature had found its way into my attic through a hole in the chimney. And as irony usually presents itself, the hole was too small for me, yet just small enough for our little ebony friend. There has been knocking and tapping and rapping and scratching and screeching and scraping and it is about to drive me to madness. My writing, it seems, does not benefit from the repetitive sounds being offered forth by this creature who I cannot dispatch."
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Eva Braun
on finally meeting "a nice guy":
"I met the most wonderful, gentlemanly, intriguing man ever - such a mysterious fellow who goes by the name "Herr Wolff!" He comes across as a total gentleman, although some may say he looks a bit silly with his funny moustache and his big felt hat! But that's what's so refreshing compared to the evil men I've dated before - this "Wolff" is different! He's not a man in wolf's clothing, but a "Wolff" of a man! Like you've all said before - it's time for Eva to find a nice gentleman this time around anyway! Franz112@gestal.de said it best when he wrote that "Eva should find a man who cares about others, who wears his heart on his sleeve and who can laugh at himself."
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Joan of Arc
on trying to get a website URL, per God's request:
"On His behalf, Saint Michael the Archangel appeared to me in a vision, telling me that I should communicate these holy words with the people of France in such a place which was denoted as www.joanofarc.fr. It seems, unfortunately, that Saint Michael had been unaware that one had already secured such a name. Saint Catherine and Saint Margaret came to me in a vision soon thereafter, suggesting that since www.joanofard.fr was already taken, that www.joanofarc-site.fr would be more than acceptable to the Lord. Unfortunately, as God is my witness, one had already acquired www.joanofarc-site.fr and so I once again contacted Saint Michael the Archangel, who suggested www.thejoanofarcultimatesite.fr, which was also taken. In the end, the Lord provides - and as you are here you have seen that www.joanofarc-site.org was available to me."
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Jules Verne
on his sequel to 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea:
"The sequel to my book will be called 21,000 Leagues Under the Sea! There will be one full extra league of excitement! There will be one more league of mystery! And a league is a lot of extra story landscape it is, in actuality, 5.56 kilometers! That is 5.56 more kilometers of adventure, drama, sea creatures and treasure!
Yes, your favorite characters will return! Yes, the darkness of the earth's oceans will open up as it did before. But now, there will be 3 more nautical miles of nail-biting tension. 3 more nautical miles of romance and heroism. 3 more nautical miles of story! Nautilus will no longer just go 20,000 leagues under the sea. This time, they'll go 21,000 leagues!" |
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